2014 Hopes

"They" say that you have to write goals down in order to keep yourself accountable, and that you should tell others to make them even more successful, so here's what I hope for myself in 2014-

-I want to live in a place of vulnerability. So often we don't want to experience the hard things or feel the low moments, and that's natural. We take the pills and drink the drinks and we blame and we yell and fight and do all of these things because life really hurts sometimes. But you can't pick and choose what things you feel, it's sort of an all or nothing. And for me, I really want the all. I'm okay with being hurt and crying and failing if it means that I also experience true joy and love and grace. 

-I hope to continually live life in a mindset that I am enough. If I'm being totally honest with myself, it's really hard to always feel like I'm enough for myself, or in my job, or for my family and especially for the Lord. Gosh it's so easy to come to a place where you truly feel unworthy of the Lord's love and his grace. And we are, but that should inspire adoration and not guilt. 

-I want to give until it hurts. I want to give of my money and my time and my heart to the Lord in a way that I never have before. The most amazing moments I have ever experienced in my life have come when I gave the last of myself to Jesus. He is so faithful in filling our cups and pouring love and grace in a way that is so limitless and abounding, I want to walk fearlessly toward his endlessness.  

I can say in complete vulnerability that there were so many highs in 2013, but a number of lows that I have never experienced before. I failed myself and a lot of other people many times. It's crazy to think that I could learn so much about myself in such a short period of time and in those low moments I saw the Lord in an amazing way and I was humbled by his forgiveness and the grace that ensued from so many people when I failed. I spent so many hundreds of hours surrounded by amazing littles and they have made me a better woman. I could never know how to thank so many tiny humans for teaching me valuable lessons.

 I'm not too picky about 2014 as long as there's Jesus and a whole lot of grace.

Snow Day Projects!

A year and a half ago, I bought this WONDERFUL old dresser at a garage sale to become a buffet table in the dining room of my old house. Since downsizing, it has become a fabulous dresser for my room. Because it's about five million years old, it was impossible to find handles that fit. To my extreme excitement, I stumbled upon (literally) this website this afternoon..

http://www.athomeinlove.com/creative-diy-drawer-pulls/

and I finally finished my dresser with some fabric I had laying around.

The mirror is an old farmhouse window my grandma had in her garage, and I sprayed mirror paint onto the back. I LOVE the finished product.

 Kitten seems to like it too :)

TA DA! Hope your snow day has been equally productive.

I also finished 5lbs of beef jerky for my dad for Christmas! It is absolutely the best ever. If you want to try it out, here's the link!

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/11/20/how-to-make-the-best-beef-jerky-in-the-world/

What I Wish I Could Tell My Dear B

I have this wonderful and complicated little in my life. He's that little that is always in trouble and tests my patience on the daily. From the moment I met this wonderful rascal, I could tell he lives a hard life. And when I saw him being picked on yesterday, there were a million things I wanted to tell him besides "I'm so sorry". I want to share with you what I would tell my precious B, if I could...

My wonderful and dear B, you are so valuable. Sometimes life is so very tough, but tomorrow will come. One day you'll look back on your childhood, and I hope you remember the good things. I hope that you will become a wonderful man of God. I hope that you find your worth and value in the Lord. I hope that the unkind words of others do not resonate in your heart in those quiet hours. I hope you always remember how fearfully and wonderfully you were made. You are my favorite Lego builder and your imagination inspires me. You are the kind of friend I would want on my side. Please never hide that heart that you wear on your sleeves. I hope your love cup continually overflows.

My littles make be better. Sometimes they make me crazy and they test me on the daily. But they stretch my patience, they make my heart grow, and they make me cherish people when the world is hard to love. Tiny humans make big humans huggable. They make the war and strife fall away, and all you see is a Barbie and a tiny person looking for validation. Microcosms of Legos and coloring books make the big things make more sense.

I'm Calling BS on the College Shiz

Really, I'm a terrible fool. I've gone through a season and really forgotten about it all. I've forgotten about what matters and who really matters.

You see, when you make an (over) generalization of the whole "college" thing, it's a big load of shit. You come into this place, and they tell you that you need to pick one career to focus on for the rest of your life, and you're supposed to think about how much money you're going to make, and how successful you'll be with X major and Y minor will get you a better job. And you have to be someone's bitch at an awful summer job that you HATE because if you don't, you won't be successful. And if you're not successful and don't make a crap load of money, you won't be happy. You'll have WASTED time and money and for what?!

And speaking of "wasting time", what about the whole 4 year deal anyway? How much bull shit are you fed the whole time you're here. The realities of the stereotypes of college students aren't all true, but I know I've settled for a C because I'm lazy...or a D... We all complain about how much we hate school here and there, because papers DO suck and no one likes busy work, and half the time the classes you have to take are a waste of time and we're all graded the exact same way but there's no way I'm like that dude at the end of the row, and I bet we take tests differently and maybe I bombed it but I actually learned SO much in that class but now I have a C on my transcript because I don't do matching sections very well.

So I'm not REALLY happy in college, because I don't like people telling me that I'm stupid and I don't like feeling pressured to stick with a job I'm going to hate. But they say you'll probably hate your first job too, because you're not doing to get your DREAM job right away.

Well when the hell do I actually get to be happy? In 30 years when I'm rich..orr what?

Nobody in college tells you that all of that is total crap. You're NEVER going to be happy BECAUSE you have a 6-figure job. Having a vacation home isn't what is going to bring you joy.

Take a second to think about some of your BEST memories. Think of the times in your life you were the happiest. I can't imagine ANY of them are tied to a thing. It's probably something like that camping trip to CO my family used to all take together. Or the time freshmen year when my roommates all hung out on 2 couches smushed together when they canceled school. Or last week when I was dancing in the car to kidz bop pandora with my littles.

We don't love Christmas because of the stuff. We love it because for ONE day of the year, not once are you thinking about yourself. You're spending all day thinking about the look on your mom's face when she opens her present, because you NAILED IT. And when she opens it, she doesn't cry because she loves that item so much, but she can't believe you remembered that conversation you had in April, and she knows that you probably had to sell something to be able to afford that.

I'm not saying we should quit school or all decide to be homeless, I'm just saying they don't teach us this stuff in class. And I don't want to wait until I'm 35, fat, divorced, and miserable before I figure out what actually mattered the whole time. Because I wasn't the one who really mattered, and it definitely wasn't money or the stuff it could buy me. The people in my life matter and if I forget that, they may not still be around when I remember.

Humbled in the Shadow of His Love

America,

"Life is a long lesson in humility"

James Barrie, positively my favorite Scottish author, was not only a literary genius and philanthropist, but he obviously had life figured out PRETTY well. I dunno about you, but my life is often a wave of crashing dominoes. You know, those seasons tend to come where you are learning one thing, and learning it EVERYWHERE.

In a wonderful cornucopia of examples, I've REALLY learned this summer that I do not, indeed, have everything figured out and that I may not, indeed, always be spot on. Through a culmination of looking back on the things that have transpired, looking to my side at the things that are unfolding, and looking toward the future, it has come to my attention that people are not always what you may think they are.

1. You are not who you may think you are. Looking back in my life has taught me this error in thought (could it be true that I do not know EVERYTHING?)
2. People are not what you may think they are. By looking at what surrounds me, I've realized that often people are not quite what you would hope (grace is effortlessly beautiful once more). But some few, wonderful people, are the best inspiration you could ever hope for on this Earth (praise him for the reflection of his son in those who call him Lord).

You can only change you, and I am wonderfully humbled in the shadow of his love, where mercy and grace meet me at forgiveness yet again.

America, ya'll

Greetings! I hope your fourth was fantastic! Here's an update on my festivities... 

 We went to a Royals game! Rocking the ponchos, because it rained for ever and the game didn't even start until 10:00. Holy late night, Batman. 

Post-game pics...you know, at 1 AM

 10 years later, we finally have pictures together.

Les deux

 Being stuck in the stadium for 2 hours= getting into mayhem.

Post-game fireworks. Holler.

4th of July spent with the Nickles fam is tradish. Cody was obviously enjoying himself. 

We Rejoice

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope, and our hope does not disappoint us because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit"- Katie Davis (I urge you to follow her blog, kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com)

Craftastic

Ya'll, I love summer. I seriously have so much time to do all of those cool crafts that I've been wanting to do for the past year. 

Liikeeee.......

refinish a chair! I definitely should have taken a "before" picture, because this little guy was rough. Imagine a Christmas green that was super chipped. This took 5,000 hours to finish, but it is one sexxayy little corner chair!

 I made some coasters! The tiles are only 9 cents at Menards. Talk about the world's cheapest craft if  you already have modpodge and scrapbook paper! Coaster Nazi officially has the goods. 

 Took my littles to the zoo last week! What an adventure! Also, outings with children make you feel like a pack mule. Seriously, we should have rented a wagon for all the gear it takes to take children into the world. 

I lost the cap to my favorite water bottle. If you own a favorite water bottle, you know that this. is. tragic. Luckily, I bought two of them originally, so not all is lost. 

Have a blessed week! The Lord has really been revealing himself to me in such wonderful, small ways lately. I'm so grateful for His grace and endless patience .

Manhappiness

I don't know about you, but I love Kansas. Everyone should experience a KS summer at least once in their lives. It has this wonderful understated beauty. You know, the kind you don't really notice if you're not really looking at the right thing. Some states have in-your-face beauty that you can't miss, but I kind of prefer the silent-yet-fabulous way that Kansas does its thing. 

Before you look at these next pics, please first adjust your mindset. Imagine that wonderful 75 degree breeze blowing, the perfect middle of nowhere smell- like fresh air mixed with sunshine with a hint of grass, and bird chirping mixed with the low buzz of bugs everywhere. 

Summa Lovin

Hiya, beauts! I hope all is well and that summer is kicking in full swing for you!! Here's an update on my life thus far...

I've been reading my little heart out. This gem has been calling out my name for yeearrrs!!

I turned my bff's living room into a studio..it's kind of a funny, long story? No worries, I'll have a bedroom like a normal human soon and very soon!

Eeeekk... speaking of not having a room, I'm livin in  BOXES. Yikes guys, what a struggle. In a strange way, it's teaching me to live with less (If I haven't used it since I boxed it, do I REAALLLYY need it??)

Coffeeeee. Lots of coffee. A. coffee is fantastic. B. I have the best job in the world! I'm one proud nanny for the two best kids in the whole wide world! It's a baller job, but coffee is a must at 8!

Don't worry, Love Fern is really taking to the new home. It's probably something about the air quality.

Can't wait to share more! Terribly sorry about the awful photo quality. I set my camera on auto and edited them for 2.3 seconds. More fun things to happen soon in my life? God is so good, I can't wait!

Simplicity

Recently I've taken a step back to think about what is really important. I feel so very disconnected from people, and from the world, and from my Jesus. And to me, the solution was to take a moment to clear out all of the STUFF from my life. I want to reconnect with the world, and with people. I want to have real conversations, and see nature for myself (and not through someone else's instagram). I don't want to sit back and watch other people kind of live life, I want to actually live it. I want to eat dinner with my friends and have a real conversation, without phones. I want to drink coffee because I like it, without thinking about taking a picture of it.
Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely don't look down on anyone for tweeting and being on facebook or any social media, but I find myself so consumed with pointless information, I forget what really matters. Souls matter, not statuses or tweets or anything trivial. Late night conversations under the stars matter. Reading an amazing book that makes you feel empowered matters. Meeting 80 year old dudes named Ike matters. Watching the sun rise matters. Being at the feet of Jesus MATTERS. I want that for my life.
So, to kick off my summer right, I'm committing to not using Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram for the entire summer. I'll still blog (because I love it), but I want to spend a few months reconnecting to the things that matter. I would love for you to join me as I rediscover Jesus and his people (in the real world!).