Blogs Aren't Factual. And Neither Is Any of This.

Recently I stumbled upon a blog article that was shared on my Facebook feed, and it detailed the account of a young woman who had waited to have sex until she was married, and the resulting traumatic sex life which she believed could be accredited to her abstinence.

But here's one thing that's really important about being a human and filtering information- there's a difference between CAUSATION and CORRELATION. Now I don't mean to discredit the sufferings of this young woman, because having poor sexual relations in her marriage is surely traumatic, and being scared into abstinence by her church is terrible and misguided. But this article troubled me because she was suggesting that abstinence had a causal affect on her sex life, and not perhaps some sort of correlation. I mean to say that abstaining from sex perhaps wasn't the only reason she was having issues in her marriage, and waiting to have sex shouldn't have to take all the heat. After all, I personally know many couples who have abstained from sex until marriage and are very happy. So too, I know a great number of married people who were not virgins on their wedding day and have a wonderful sex life. Or a bad one. Or none.

The decision whether or not to have sex outside of marriage is a very personal one, and you should never ever let anyone scare you into making that decision based off of their personal experience. Cuz, well, you aren't having sex with them so in the end their sex life doesn't make that much of a difference.

Whatever your decision is regarding your virginity, or lack there of, you should really know that it isn't going to doesn't have to make or break your entire marriage for the rest of your life forever amen. People on both sides of the spectrum have great marriages, and really crappy ones. Abstaining doesn't guarantee anything, neither does having sex with multiple partners.

Although I have come across a great deal of research discussing marital happiness and number of sexual partners in Family Studies, at best they are CORRELATIVE, AND NOT CAUSAL. You just have to educate yourself to the best of your abilities with the filters your decide to put on your decision making and live your life.

Go forth and read blogs carefully. And don't trust anyone who writes them.

Runtastical

In January of this year, I set a goal for myself to run my very first half marathon.

What I thought would happen...
-I would give up by Feb
-I would hate it
-I would hurt myself
-grumble grumble
-I would finish last
-My butt would look good

What really happened...
-runners butt is quality
-I have gained more confidence in myself as a person than I ever imagined
-I finished in 2:45
-i fell madly in love with running

I had heard in a psych class that your relationship with yourself is often similar to one you may have with a friend, and that if you tell yourself you will complete a task, and you don't,  you actually lose confidence in yourself. You are actually, in some weird way, in your own relationship.

Let me tell you, I have never believed THAT more, or loved myself more than when I actually finished that race. Watching your body adapt to new things and go the miles you train it for is so awesome and unbelievable. And the best part is that it's TOTALLY okay to love yourself for being awesome.

Another thing I never bargained on was the amazing support that is the running community. Whether its a run in my neighborhood or my first race, I never thought it was possible to feel supported and encouraged by strangers. When I am in the local running store, people are so excited for me to be a part of this. When I am babysitting a new family and running comes up in our conversations, they high five my success. Humans are awesome.

I'm currently training for my next half in the fall.

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where others see nothing

- Camille Pissarro

You are Worthy and You Are Loved

Gosh their are so many articles about "how women are portrayed in the media" and "how to get rid of belly fat" and there are corporations devoted to these subjects, and advertisement campaigns. But here's the deal about getting angry about a society that values body types that don't exist- you're not going to change a corporation's mind. Or an entire culture's media views. I totally agree that we, as a media, misrepresent women and men, and it's unfair and it hurts people. It damages our society DEEP to our core. It ruins families and creates a lot of tears. I know this because I've lived it as a teenage girl.

I can't say that I'm completely "cured" of self-consciousness, because it creeps up from time to time when you live in this culture- and especially when you are a part of a college campus with 10,000+ girls your own age. It's REALLY easy to compare yourself and not feel good enough in a variety of ways. So instead of feeling badly about ourselves, and our media, and the way the whole image deal is wrapped up, what if we could actually DO something. Maybe not change the world, but change how you look at yourself and how you look at your friends and how you look at your children. And what if by changing the way YOU view things, other people may begin to value themselves in other ways?

We've all been caught in an awkward conversation with a friend when they're discussing "how fat they are" or "I feel like this shirt makes me look awful" or whatever fill-in-the-blank complaint they're pushing toward us. And it's kind of okay to talk about ourselves this way, as either self-talk or to a friend. And sometimes you can't escape those moments and you freeze up. But what if we started looking for situations to pull the good out of one another? And what if we completely ended "looks talk" all together? What if we stopped complimenting looks but we started congratulating each other on kindness, and innovation and intellect? We all have love cups, and will search for them to be filled in one fashion or another. It would mean so much more if a friend complimented my kindness or dedication instead of how pretty I looked.

Deleting all "looks talk" from your vocabulary completely is TOTALLY tangible. You can't change the media, but you really could inspire true beauty and worth in a way that won't fade with age.

You are worthy and you are loved and you are a whole human being who was created with a purpose with individual talents and dreams and goals, and that matters.

Gosh, what if we all believed that about ourselves?