God is so faithful. I've probably said that 1,000 times in the past few years, but it is so true. Looking back, it has been exactly five years since I became a follower of Christ. And in those five years, I have grown more than I ever could have possibly imagined. I've failed Him so many times, and through it all He has taught me to love myself in spite of myself. I know that I have so much growing to do, but I know that it is so worth it, because His grace and His love is worth it all.
The one thing that I think I've struggled with the most over the past few years is control. I know that I am a control freak, and I constantly want to have everything planned out, especially when it comes to my finances. It was exactly one year ago that I gave up my full ride scholarship to Westminster for MCC. And there were times throughout the past school year when God took complete control of my finances. Watching a bill completely disappear without any reasoning is the most humbling experience in the world, especially after spending the previous afternoon crying on the floor staring at the impossible numbers, and asking God to take over. Knowing that my God is in control of money, and that He cares enough for me to pay the bills is so overwhelming. I could not imagine why the Lord had intended for me to attend MCC (and there were definitely several times that I questioned His judgment), but He took care of everything to ensure that I stayed exactly where I was supposed to be, and last year was so very fantastic. The beautiful women of God that were placed in my suite and in my life last year changed my life more than they could ever know, and I walk away from that experience with so much gratitude, joy, and love.
His love is truly 100% perfect. Even when I have forgotten to love myself, and when the people I care about loved me imperfectly, His love was always there. He is so close when I feel like He is far, and when everything comes crashing down He is always there to pick up the pieces. By no means will I ever deserve a love like that, but it is most definitely enough to make me desire to serve Him with every ounce of my being.
This summer has by far been one of the most spiritually challenging thus far. There have been so many highs and lows, and I am so grateful to be blessed with amazing Godly friends that fill my heart with encouragement when I need it the most. I am blessed beyond belief. God is so faithful.
