Being a part of the MCC community (and a college-aged community as a whole) leaves little room to avoid the topic of marriage and relationships, because so many people enter into relationships at this time. I was fairly recently talking to my roommate about relationship and marriage, and she shared with me some knowledge she gained in her Family Relationships and Gender Roles class at K-State. Her professor was discussing marriage and said that we, as a culture, place so much emphasis on preparing for a wedding, and don't really seem to prepare ourselves for a marriage. She went on to discuss how most every girl seems to have a "Pinterest" board devoted to weddings, even single or already married women. What a revelation is that- that we, as a culture, prepare for a wedding but not a marriage?
I've had a handful of friends recently enter into relationships seeking to glorify God, and I've spoken with so many of them about what that looks like, and how we are able to have a Christ-centered relationship. In turn, we've discussed what the result of that would be in a marriage. And that is a topic that doesn't really have one single answer, but a string of differing advice from people who have struggled with completely different things in relationships.
It's really been an eye-opener to allow God to uncover some truths to me about relationships. I think that so often we (especially as women) have this laundry list of qualifications for a significant other, and I'll be the first to admit that I have some pretty crazy-high standards. But what it all has to boil down to is God. The only qualification you REALLY should need in another person is Godliness, because if you have that, everything will fall into place. If your only qualification for a person is Godliness, then he will respect you, and have compassion for those who are hurting, and he won't be seeking fulfillment in you alone as his significant other. A man that is content in a daily walk with Christ won't be looking to get everything he needs out of the relationship that will cause satisfaction, because everything he needs in life is being fulfilled by the Lord. And a significant other who is searching after Christ won't try to turn you into God, because he has already established that God is so much more powerful and perfect and loving that you will EVER be. And that really takes a lot of stress off of me to attempt to be something I'm not, and it takes stress off of me to try to hide my brokenness, or to worry about having an unhealthy relationship that has become my idol.
I feel so very blessed to have spent so much time being single over the past year, because it really gives me a different glimpse of what a good relationship can be. I recently discovered a small series about relationships and marriage by Francis Chan and his wife, and I think they have a lot of really great things to say about relationships. I especially enjoy the emphasis on the temporal nature of relationships, and even on marriage.
At the end of the day, the most important thing I think I have learned about relationships (and I am probably the furthest thing from an expert, for sure) is that God is doing great things right here and now, and we need to be about his business and not busy with any of the stuff that goes along with life. And that includes all of our relationships. I think that just like anything else, when we allow God to consume our hearts and minds, everything else just seems to fall right into place. There's great satisfaction and great contentment in knowing that I serve the God that created relationships, marriage, and me, and that I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Everything else is just stuff that goes along with life, and nothing is nearly as important as that fact. When I recognize who God is in relation to me, and how much less important everything is than God, I can gain new perspective on life, and that includes relationships.
If you're at all interested in hearing with Francis Chan and his wife have to say about marriage and relationships, take the time to listen to these two sermons, they really are insightful.
