Well, maybe, but that's okay. As most of you may know, ole' Ben came out with a new (great) album and one song in particular really stood out to me. For me it is so awesome when I hear a song, or hear another person, talking about something that has really been on my heart. And for me that has been not settling for being average or normal. Coming from a stereotypical American middle-class family, I've been embedded with this idea of the "American Dream". But as I grow in my faith, I wonder if Christ is really calling me to something of that nature. I have this longing in my soul to serve others and to leave a legacy. Not for me, but for Christ. Is it really enough for me to graduate college, get married, have a couple of kids, go to church on Sundays and die?
I often feel as though we, as Americans, and even as a body of believers living in America, have this "entitlement" attitude about us. We're entitled to the best things that our money can buy. The house on the top of our budget, the car we can barely make payment on, the crap that we don't really need. So we put all of our clothes on, and drive in the best car that we can- away from the house we can barely afford to a job that we don't really like. I mean, this stereotype is haunting. I am terrified of becoming that person. I'm terrified of THAT being enough to please me. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means bashing the desire to get married and raise a family, but I want to have big faith. I want to believe that God desires more from my life than just the mediocre. I want to live a life that is so submerged in the Gospel, and in His love, that I couldn't care less about bumping up the mortgage payment so I can have a house that people will think is pretty. I want to serve my Savior so that people will find the ultimate beauty.
The Devil is so good at making a so-so life with a so-so dream look good. And am so guilty of falling for the trap. I've been talked in to thinking that I need everything to look so pretty and nice so other people will think I'm so great for having everything wrapped up together in a nice pretty box. But I don't have everything together and everything isn't in a nice pretty box, and I serve a Jesus who isn't afraid of messy love. Through my many many years of struggling to let Jesus love me for real, I'm learning to be okay with not having it all together. And there is so much freedom in being real.
I want to serve Christ. And I want to serve you as my brothers and sisters. But I can't dare allow myself to serve a ridiculous and unrealistic dream that benefits no one.
Song for the Suburbs
by Ben Rector
this american dream is not what it seems
maybe we're still breathing
but we're all asleep
(chorus)
I wanna live until I die
don't let the devil bury me alive
when my heart stops, let me go home
don't let the suburbs kill my heart and soul
pretty cars and pretty houses
pretty people on parade
if this dream is what you're after,
then dream is where you'll stay
are we just running in the dark or living?
