In January of this year, I set a goal for myself to run my very first half marathon.
What I thought would happen...
-I would give up by Feb
-I would hate it
-I would hurt myself
-grumble grumble
-I would finish last
-My butt would look good
What really happened...
-runners butt is quality
-I have gained more confidence in myself as a person than I ever imagined
-I finished in 2:45
-i fell madly in love with running
I had heard in a psych class that your relationship with yourself is often similar to one you may have with a friend, and that if you tell yourself you will complete a task, and you don't, you actually lose confidence in yourself. You are actually, in some weird way, in your own relationship.
Let me tell you, I have never believed THAT more, or loved myself more than when I actually finished that race. Watching your body adapt to new things and go the miles you train it for is so awesome and unbelievable. And the best part is that it's TOTALLY okay to love yourself for being awesome.
Another thing I never bargained on was the amazing support that is the running community. Whether its a run in my neighborhood or my first race, I never thought it was possible to feel supported and encouraged by strangers. When I am in the local running store, people are so excited for me to be a part of this. When I am babysitting a new family and running comes up in our conversations, they high five my success. Humans are awesome.
I'm currently training for my next half in the fall.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
You are Worthy and You Are Loved
Gosh their are so many articles about "how women are portrayed in the media" and "how to get rid of belly fat" and there are corporations devoted to these subjects, and advertisement campaigns. But here's the deal about getting angry about a society that values body types that don't exist- you're not going to change a corporation's mind. Or an entire culture's media views. I totally agree that we, as a media, misrepresent women and men, and it's unfair and it hurts people. It damages our society DEEP to our core. It ruins families and creates a lot of tears. I know this because I've lived it as a teenage girl.
I can't say that I'm completely "cured" of self-consciousness, because it creeps up from time to time when you live in this culture- and especially when you are a part of a college campus with 10,000+ girls your own age. It's REALLY easy to compare yourself and not feel good enough in a variety of ways. So instead of feeling badly about ourselves, and our media, and the way the whole image deal is wrapped up, what if we could actually DO something. Maybe not change the world, but change how you look at yourself and how you look at your friends and how you look at your children. And what if by changing the way YOU view things, other people may begin to value themselves in other ways?
We've all been caught in an awkward conversation with a friend when they're discussing "how fat they are" or "I feel like this shirt makes me look awful" or whatever fill-in-the-blank complaint they're pushing toward us. And it's kind of okay to talk about ourselves this way, as either self-talk or to a friend. And sometimes you can't escape those moments and you freeze up. But what if we started looking for situations to pull the good out of one another? And what if we completely ended "looks talk" all together? What if we stopped complimenting looks but we started congratulating each other on kindness, and innovation and intellect? We all have love cups, and will search for them to be filled in one fashion or another. It would mean so much more if a friend complimented my kindness or dedication instead of how pretty I looked.
Deleting all "looks talk" from your vocabulary completely is TOTALLY tangible. You can't change the media, but you really could inspire true beauty and worth in a way that won't fade with age.
You are worthy and you are loved and you are a whole human being who was created with a purpose with individual talents and dreams and goals, and that matters.
Gosh, what if we all believed that about ourselves?
I can't say that I'm completely "cured" of self-consciousness, because it creeps up from time to time when you live in this culture- and especially when you are a part of a college campus with 10,000+ girls your own age. It's REALLY easy to compare yourself and not feel good enough in a variety of ways. So instead of feeling badly about ourselves, and our media, and the way the whole image deal is wrapped up, what if we could actually DO something. Maybe not change the world, but change how you look at yourself and how you look at your friends and how you look at your children. And what if by changing the way YOU view things, other people may begin to value themselves in other ways?
We've all been caught in an awkward conversation with a friend when they're discussing "how fat they are" or "I feel like this shirt makes me look awful" or whatever fill-in-the-blank complaint they're pushing toward us. And it's kind of okay to talk about ourselves this way, as either self-talk or to a friend. And sometimes you can't escape those moments and you freeze up. But what if we started looking for situations to pull the good out of one another? And what if we completely ended "looks talk" all together? What if we stopped complimenting looks but we started congratulating each other on kindness, and innovation and intellect? We all have love cups, and will search for them to be filled in one fashion or another. It would mean so much more if a friend complimented my kindness or dedication instead of how pretty I looked.
Deleting all "looks talk" from your vocabulary completely is TOTALLY tangible. You can't change the media, but you really could inspire true beauty and worth in a way that won't fade with age.
You are worthy and you are loved and you are a whole human being who was created with a purpose with individual talents and dreams and goals, and that matters.
Gosh, what if we all believed that about ourselves?
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
2014 Hopes
"They" say that you have to write goals down in order to keep yourself accountable, and that you should tell others to make them even more successful, so here's what I hope for myself in 2014-
-I want to live in a place of vulnerability. So often we don't want to experience the hard things or feel the low moments, and that's natural. We take the pills and drink the drinks and we blame and we yell and fight and do all of these things because life really hurts sometimes. But you can't pick and choose what things you feel, it's sort of an all or nothing. And for me, I really want the all. I'm okay with being hurt and crying and failing if it means that I also experience true joy and love and grace.
-I hope to continually live life in a mindset that I am enough. If I'm being totally honest with myself, it's really hard to always feel like I'm enough for myself, or in my job, or for my family and especially for the Lord. Gosh it's so easy to come to a place where you truly feel unworthy of the Lord's love and his grace. And we are, but that should inspire adoration and not guilt.
-I want to give until it hurts. I want to give of my money and my time and my heart to the Lord in a way that I never have before. The most amazing moments I have ever experienced in my life have come when I gave the last of myself to Jesus. He is so faithful in filling our cups and pouring love and grace in a way that is so limitless and abounding, I want to walk fearlessly toward his endlessness.
I can say in complete vulnerability that there were so many highs in 2013, but a number of lows that I have never experienced before. I failed myself and a lot of other people many times. It's crazy to think that I could learn so much about myself in such a short period of time and in those low moments I saw the Lord in an amazing way and I was humbled by his forgiveness and the grace that ensued from so many people when I failed. I spent so many hundreds of hours surrounded by amazing littles and they have made me a better woman. I could never know how to thank so many tiny humans for teaching me valuable lessons.
I'm not too picky about 2014 as long as there's Jesus and a whole lot of grace.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Snow Day Projects!
A year and a half ago, I bought this WONDERFUL old dresser at a garage sale to become a buffet table in the dining room of my old house. Since downsizing, it has become a fabulous dresser for my room. Because it's about five million years old, it was impossible to find handles that fit. To my extreme excitement, I stumbled upon (literally) this website this afternoon..
and I finally finished my dresser with some fabric I had laying around.
The mirror is an old farmhouse window my grandma had in her garage, and I sprayed mirror paint onto the back. I LOVE the finished product.
TA DA! Hope your snow day has been equally productive.
I also finished 5lbs of beef jerky for my dad for Christmas! It is absolutely the best ever. If you want to try it out, here's the link!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
What I Wish I Could Tell My Dear B
I have this wonderful and complicated little in my life. He's that little that is always in trouble and tests my patience on the daily. From the moment I met this wonderful rascal, I could tell he lives a hard life. And when I saw him being picked on yesterday, there were a million things I wanted to tell him besides "I'm so sorry". I want to share with you what I would tell my precious B, if I could...
My wonderful and dear B, you are so valuable. Sometimes life is so very tough, but tomorrow will come. One day you'll look back on your childhood, and I hope you remember the good things. I hope that you will become a wonderful man of God. I hope that you find your worth and value in the Lord. I hope that the unkind words of others do not resonate in your heart in those quiet hours. I hope you always remember how fearfully and wonderfully you were made. You are my favorite Lego builder and your imagination inspires me. You are the kind of friend I would want on my side. Please never hide that heart that you wear on your sleeves. I hope your love cup continually overflows.
My littles make be better. Sometimes they make me crazy and they test me on the daily. But they stretch my patience, they make my heart grow, and they make me cherish people when the world is hard to love. Tiny humans make big humans huggable. They make the war and strife fall away, and all you see is a Barbie and a tiny person looking for validation. Microcosms of Legos and coloring books make the big things make more sense.
My wonderful and dear B, you are so valuable. Sometimes life is so very tough, but tomorrow will come. One day you'll look back on your childhood, and I hope you remember the good things. I hope that you will become a wonderful man of God. I hope that you find your worth and value in the Lord. I hope that the unkind words of others do not resonate in your heart in those quiet hours. I hope you always remember how fearfully and wonderfully you were made. You are my favorite Lego builder and your imagination inspires me. You are the kind of friend I would want on my side. Please never hide that heart that you wear on your sleeves. I hope your love cup continually overflows.
My littles make be better. Sometimes they make me crazy and they test me on the daily. But they stretch my patience, they make my heart grow, and they make me cherish people when the world is hard to love. Tiny humans make big humans huggable. They make the war and strife fall away, and all you see is a Barbie and a tiny person looking for validation. Microcosms of Legos and coloring books make the big things make more sense.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
I'm Calling BS on the College Shiz
Really, I'm a terrible fool. I've gone through a season and really forgotten about it all. I've forgotten about what matters and who really matters.
You see, when you make an (over) generalization of the whole "college" thing, it's a big load of shit. You come into this place, and they tell you that you need to pick one career to focus on for the rest of your life, and you're supposed to think about how much money you're going to make, and how successful you'll be with X major and Y minor will get you a better job. And you have to be someone's bitch at an awful summer job that you HATE because if you don't, you won't be successful. And if you're not successful and don't make a crap load of money, you won't be happy. You'll have WASTED time and money and for what?!
And speaking of "wasting time", what about the whole 4 year deal anyway? How much bull shit are you fed the whole time you're here. The realities of the stereotypes of college students aren't all true, but I know I've settled for a C because I'm lazy...or a D... We all complain about how much we hate school here and there, because papers DO suck and no one likes busy work, and half the time the classes you have to take are a waste of time and we're all graded the exact same way but there's no way I'm like that dude at the end of the row, and I bet we take tests differently and maybe I bombed it but I actually learned SO much in that class but now I have a C on my transcript because I don't do matching sections very well.
So I'm not REALLY happy in college, because I don't like people telling me that I'm stupid and I don't like feeling pressured to stick with a job I'm going to hate. But they say you'll probably hate your first job too, because you're not doing to get your DREAM job right away.
Well when the hell do I actually get to be happy? In 30 years when I'm rich..orr what?
Nobody in college tells you that all of that is total crap. You're NEVER going to be happy BECAUSE you have a 6-figure job. Having a vacation home isn't what is going to bring you joy.
Take a second to think about some of your BEST memories. Think of the times in your life you were the happiest. I can't imagine ANY of them are tied to a thing. It's probably something like that camping trip to CO my family used to all take together. Or the time freshmen year when my roommates all hung out on 2 couches smushed together when they canceled school. Or last week when I was dancing in the car to kidz bop pandora with my littles.
We don't love Christmas because of the stuff. We love it because for ONE day of the year, not once are you thinking about yourself. You're spending all day thinking about the look on your mom's face when she opens her present, because you NAILED IT. And when she opens it, she doesn't cry because she loves that item so much, but she can't believe you remembered that conversation you had in April, and she knows that you probably had to sell something to be able to afford that.
I'm not saying we should quit school or all decide to be homeless, I'm just saying they don't teach us this stuff in class. And I don't want to wait until I'm 35, fat, divorced, and miserable before I figure out what actually mattered the whole time. Because I wasn't the one who really mattered, and it definitely wasn't money or the stuff it could buy me. The people in my life matter and if I forget that, they may not still be around when I remember.
You see, when you make an (over) generalization of the whole "college" thing, it's a big load of shit. You come into this place, and they tell you that you need to pick one career to focus on for the rest of your life, and you're supposed to think about how much money you're going to make, and how successful you'll be with X major and Y minor will get you a better job. And you have to be someone's bitch at an awful summer job that you HATE because if you don't, you won't be successful. And if you're not successful and don't make a crap load of money, you won't be happy. You'll have WASTED time and money and for what?!
And speaking of "wasting time", what about the whole 4 year deal anyway? How much bull shit are you fed the whole time you're here. The realities of the stereotypes of college students aren't all true, but I know I've settled for a C because I'm lazy...or a D... We all complain about how much we hate school here and there, because papers DO suck and no one likes busy work, and half the time the classes you have to take are a waste of time and we're all graded the exact same way but there's no way I'm like that dude at the end of the row, and I bet we take tests differently and maybe I bombed it but I actually learned SO much in that class but now I have a C on my transcript because I don't do matching sections very well.
So I'm not REALLY happy in college, because I don't like people telling me that I'm stupid and I don't like feeling pressured to stick with a job I'm going to hate. But they say you'll probably hate your first job too, because you're not doing to get your DREAM job right away.
Well when the hell do I actually get to be happy? In 30 years when I'm rich..orr what?
Nobody in college tells you that all of that is total crap. You're NEVER going to be happy BECAUSE you have a 6-figure job. Having a vacation home isn't what is going to bring you joy.
Take a second to think about some of your BEST memories. Think of the times in your life you were the happiest. I can't imagine ANY of them are tied to a thing. It's probably something like that camping trip to CO my family used to all take together. Or the time freshmen year when my roommates all hung out on 2 couches smushed together when they canceled school. Or last week when I was dancing in the car to kidz bop pandora with my littles.
We don't love Christmas because of the stuff. We love it because for ONE day of the year, not once are you thinking about yourself. You're spending all day thinking about the look on your mom's face when she opens her present, because you NAILED IT. And when she opens it, she doesn't cry because she loves that item so much, but she can't believe you remembered that conversation you had in April, and she knows that you probably had to sell something to be able to afford that.
I'm not saying we should quit school or all decide to be homeless, I'm just saying they don't teach us this stuff in class. And I don't want to wait until I'm 35, fat, divorced, and miserable before I figure out what actually mattered the whole time. Because I wasn't the one who really mattered, and it definitely wasn't money or the stuff it could buy me. The people in my life matter and if I forget that, they may not still be around when I remember.
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