Here Am I, Send Me

His faithfulness is overwhelming. God is so amazing.

After so much prayer, I cannot believe I have been given the opportunity to serve the Lord and to tell others about Him in Ghana this summer. I will be staying with a host family and teaching English (among other things) in one of the orphanages. I can't even imagine what God is going to do. I am so ready for the awesome experience that will be next summer.

I am in prayer constantly that God will use me and give me situations daily to share His word, and to make His name known. I can't even express the excitement and anticipation that I have. My heart breaks for these little babes, and I can't wait to love on them and let them know how beautiful and special they really are. I can't imagine the things they have experienced that have brought them to where they are, and as much of a teacher as I may be, I can't wait to be their student.

I am attaching a link to the teaching in Ghana video (I've watched it like 10 times JUST today!!)

http://www.worldendeavors.com/Ghana/videos?id=51

As well as a link to an AMAZING video that I watched at a girls retreat several years ago. I downloaded the new Facebook Beta just so I could find it :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiNBmNl88Pk

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."- Acts 1:8

It Doesn't Even Matter

Will it even matter 10 years from now?

I often ask myself that when I find myself freaking out about a "B" paper, or getting really upset about trivial things. I find that, most times, this system seems to keep me (the kind of person constantly in freak-out mode) in check.

Lately I've been asking myself that question almost constantly. With decisions like whether or not to go to Ghana, whether or not to stay in the honors program, and being an overly obsessive clean freak has made me really "up the ante" on the question asking.

I'm the kind of person that doesn't know how to say no, and doesn't know when to say stop. So when I get to that point when I have so much on my plate that I have to cut down or go insane (this point) I have to try to figure out what really matters. Unfortunately this proves to be quite difficult when you are a human living in a fallen world, and therefore very prideful. It's so very hard for me to drop things, or tell people no (or even confront someone I care about for that matter). But the older I get, the more I realize how to answer the 10 year question.

In ten years I think it WILL matter whether or not I taught English in an orphanage in Ghana. I don't think it will matter whether or not I stressed myself out to complete the honors program. It definitely won't matter if I buy that cute jacket 10 years from now. It probably will matter TODAY if I skip my morning devo to sleep for a few more minutes.

Priorities are so important. And it is becoming apparent that the method of "I don't need to prioritize because I'll just do it all", doesn't ACTUALLY work. For me at least..

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."- Matthew 6: 25-34

I Wanna Live Until I Die

Is it too cheesy to make a blog post based off of a Ben Rector song?

Well, maybe, but that's okay. As most of you may know, ole' Ben came out with a new (great) album and one song in particular really stood out to me. For me it is so awesome when I hear a song, or hear another person, talking about something that has really been on my heart. And for me that has been not settling for being average or normal. Coming from a stereotypical American middle-class family, I've been embedded with this idea of the "American Dream". But as I grow in my faith, I wonder if Christ is really calling me to something of that nature. I have this longing in my soul to serve others and to leave a legacy. Not for me, but for Christ. Is it really enough for me to graduate college, get married, have a couple of kids, go to church on Sundays and die?

I often feel as though we, as Americans, and even as a body of believers living in America, have this "entitlement" attitude about us. We're entitled to the best things that our money can buy. The house on the top of our budget, the car we can barely make payment on, the crap that we don't really need. So we put all of our clothes on, and drive in the best car that we can- away from the house we can barely afford to a job that we don't really like. I mean, this stereotype is haunting. I am terrified of becoming that person. I'm terrified of THAT being enough to please me. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means bashing the desire to get married and raise a family, but I want to have big faith. I want to believe that God desires more from my life than just the mediocre. I want to live a life that is so submerged in the Gospel, and in His love, that I couldn't care less about bumping up the mortgage payment so I can have a house that people will think is pretty. I want to serve my Savior so that people will find the ultimate beauty.

The Devil is so good at making a so-so life with a so-so dream look good. And am so guilty of falling for the trap. I've been talked in to thinking that I need everything to look so pretty and nice so other people will think I'm so great for having everything wrapped up together in a nice pretty box. But I don't have everything together and everything isn't in a nice pretty box, and I serve a Jesus who isn't afraid of messy love. Through my many many years of struggling to let Jesus love me for real, I'm learning to be okay with not having it all together. And there is so much freedom in being real.

I want to serve Christ. And I want to serve you as my brothers and sisters. But I can't dare allow myself to serve a ridiculous and unrealistic dream that benefits no one.

Song for the Suburbs

by Ben Rector

this american dream is not what it seems

maybe we're still breathing

but we're all asleep

(chorus)

I wanna live until I die

don't let the devil bury me alive

when my heart stops, let me go home

don't let the suburbs kill my heart and soul

pretty cars and pretty houses

pretty people on parade

if this dream is what you're after,

then dream is where you'll stay

are we just running in the dark or living?

Fingers (and Toes) Crossed!!

The time has come once again- time for me to discover a REALLY exciting summer opportunity. I'm fairly certain I found it in record time this year and I'm more excited than I have ever (EVER) been! What is it, you ask?

Well, let me tell you!!

I have found an absolutely amazing opportunity to go to Kamasi, Ghana (Which is in West Africa, just saying) and teach English (among other things) to children in an orphanage!! This is an amazing chance, because I will actually get to be the sole teacher for an entire class. Better yet, it counts as a study abroad opportunity, so I'll be able to get awesome scholarships for it! If I do end up going, God willing, I will get to stay with a host family! An exciting chance to share the gospel of Jesus, while also getting an amazing, hands-on, resume building, summer! It is a super affordable opportunity, and I am praying that it works out. I really feel like this is an awesome chance, and I would love for you, my small blog following, to begin on this (hopefully) amazing journey with me!!

In other news, the Lord has been so amazing in His faithfulness in making everything work out. I have absolutely no idea how I end up having time to do everything, and on top of that- He is so faithful in pouring out amazing ministry chances to me! I got a call back from the local Girl Scout organizer, and I will soon be a leader/co-leader of a troop of fantastic girls! What a blessing to my life and what an awesome ministry opportunity. Girl Scouts, since it's beginning, has been a Christian-based organization, which means I have a chance to really do some loving on these girls for Jesus!

I have included a link to the Ghana teaching page-

http://www.worldendeavors.com/Ghana/_country/teaching-children-in-ghana.html

as well as a Girl Scout link!!

http://www.girlscouts.org/who_we_are/history/

(That's right, it says "develop spiritually"!! That's code for "tell those girls all about Jesus")

School, School, School

School is so time consuming. I have so much homework. I have no idea how I am going to find time to do everything. As my week continues on, I find myself quite frequently complaining about how much I have to do, and wondering how on Earth I am going to get everything done.

A short while ago, I completed an essay for my introduction to the education department, explaining why I want to be a teacher. While completing it, I thought about all of the reasons I want to become an educator, how much I love helping people, and how important it is to ignite a love for learning in future generations. After finishing it, I felt so embarrassed for the amount of complaining I have been doing, especially considering how lucky I am to even have the chance to attend a University.

God has been so faithful in covering all of my needs, and surrounding me with beautiful believers to inspire and encourage me whenever I feel discouraged. Knowing that God has covered all of my financial needs is so amazing, and I can't imagine ever deserving all that he has given me. I am so excited for what God has in store for this school year, and I intend on not taking anything for granted.

Apartment!!!

Day 5 in our apartment! I love being on my own! There are definitely so many pro's and con's to being on my own, but I love it so much! It has been so fun decorating and deciding how to set everything up. It's also so great to be back in Manhattan. I wish more people were in town though. It's also really fun (but really overwhelming) making all of my own food. It takes so much food to get started.

And I'm bored. No one is here. When I don't work, Sarah and I pretty much sit around and watch movies (because we don't have cable and can't get our antenna to work).

Sooooooo today when I got off work, I made a spinach casserole!! I was so proud of myself, and it turned out so great!

So many thanks to Linda Nickles for the amazing low-carb recipe!

For those of you who would like to eat a fantastic meal, here's the recipe!

Preheat oven to 350

Ingredients-

1 pound ground beef

1/2 cup spaghetti sauce

1 8oz box of cream cheese (softened)

1 package chopped spinach (thawed)

1 egg

Shredded cheese of choice

Brown ground beef and drain, then add spaghetti sauce.

In a separate bowl, combine cream cheese, egg and spinach. Mix well.

In a 13x9 pan, layer first 1/2 of the beef mixture, followed by the entire spinach mixture. Then cover with the remainder of the beef mixture, and then top with desired shredded cheese (I used mozzarella and it was super great!)

Cook at 350 degrees for 30 minutes and enjoy!!

100% Perfect Love

God is so faithful. I've probably said that 1,000 times in the past few years, but it is so true. Looking back, it has been exactly five years since I became a follower of Christ. And in those five years, I have grown more than I ever could have possibly imagined. I've failed Him so many times, and through it all He has taught me to love myself in spite of myself. I know that I have so much growing to do, but I know that it is so worth it, because His grace and His love is worth it all.
The one thing that I think I've struggled with the most over the past few years is control. I know that I am a control freak, and I constantly want to have everything planned out, especially when it comes to my finances. It was exactly one year ago that I gave up my full ride scholarship to Westminster for MCC. And there were times throughout the past school year when God took complete control of my finances. Watching a bill completely disappear without any reasoning is the most humbling experience in the world, especially after spending the previous afternoon crying on the floor staring at the impossible numbers, and asking God to take over. Knowing that my God is in control of money, and that He cares enough for me to pay the bills is so overwhelming. I could not imagine why the Lord had intended for me to attend MCC (and there were definitely several times that I questioned His judgment), but He took care of everything to ensure that I stayed exactly where I was supposed to be, and last year was so very fantastic. The beautiful women of God that were placed in my suite and in my life last year changed my life more than they could ever know, and I walk away from that experience with so much gratitude, joy, and love.
His love is truly 100% perfect. Even when I have forgotten to love myself, and when the people I care about loved me imperfectly, His love was always there. He is so close when I feel like He is far, and when everything comes crashing down He is always there to pick up the pieces. By no means will I ever deserve a love like that, but it is most definitely enough to make me desire to serve Him with every ounce of my being.
This summer has by far been one of the most spiritually challenging thus far. There have been so many highs and lows, and I am so grateful to be blessed with amazing Godly friends that fill my heart with encouragement when I need it the most. I am blessed beyond belief. God is so faithful.